‘Twas a slow night at the Bird and Baby when I tumbled in the door. I had just come from a visit at old Sandson’s farm on account of one of their chickens seems to have been rather restless of late and Sandson asked me over there to soothe him.
So I was tired and famished when I finally hit the inn. The room was pretty quiet, none of the usuals seemed to be making conversation. I felt sorry for the barkeep…he didn’t seem to be pushing much ale. So I hatched an idea…I jumped up on a table, and began to tell this story…
Cocomo: The Teller of Tales
“Once, not long ago, there lived a young chicken up in the Shire named Coco. He was a quiet chicken, but curious. One day, he heard some big folk talking about adventurers seeking a land underground. ‘A land underground!’ thought Coco, ‘I shall be the first proud chicken to lay claim to this place!’
And so, with many wings flapping goodbye and a cluck in his heart, Coco took off on his great quest: To be the first Chicken in Moria.”
- At this point, I could see a few of the patrons chuckling and wandering over with ales in their hands. My story seemed to be working!
“So Coco set off across the Shire, confronting dangers like ravenous wolves, pointy sickle-flies, even a hungry Hobbit! But nothing was going to stop Coco from crossing the threshold of the great mine. Before long, Coco had crossed the Brandywine Bridge!
Coco at the Brandywine Bridge!
“Coco had never been far from his coop, indeed he had never left the Sandson farm where he grew up! This new land was frightful to Coco…if the rats weren’t trying to attack him, then big people would tromp pass on their horses going about their business, almost squashing poor Coco!
“But before long, Coco saw a great city in the distance. Little did Coco know, this was only to be the start of his many adventures!”
Coco near Bree
“And so Coco entered Bree, that great City of the Big Folk. After a little wandering, he found himself by a fire in a rundown part of town. Looking at all the hungry people around, Coco decided any chicken with a will to live should leave that area immediately!”
“Poor Coco was at a loss as to where to go next. When he left his coop back in Moria, he didn’t even consider that he didn’t know the way to the underground!”
“So Coco set off to the south out of Bree, following a great road obviously not built for chickens. He followed that road for many days and nights until, before long, he saw a great inn in the distance. ‘Gosh!’ thought Coco, ‘that inn sure looks forsaken.’ Coco decided to take a rest at the inn, sitting on top of a mailbox, to gather his strength to go on.”
I came to a pause in the story I was spinning. I looked around while strumming quietly on my lute. I could see the crowd in the old tavern was beginning to thicken. The barkeep was pouring some more ales from the patrons who wanted to hear more of Coco’s flight. “Well,” yelled a patron, “Get on with it!”
And so I continued.
“While Coco was taking a nap, he felt a soft tugging at his feathers. He awoke with a start to see one of the big folk poking him. Poor Coco was blocking the mailflap so the man couldn’t retrieve his letters! This man was a great Captain of Men named Wynead. Wynead set off down the road, followed by his trusty dwarf companion. Having no idea where to go next, Coco set off after him. It didn’t take long for Wynead to realize something was up. ‘How strange,’ thought Wynead, ‘If I didn’t know better, I would say that chicken is following me.
“Soon, Wynead reached his destination…a great collection of ruins that somehow men still occupy, though you and I know it as Ost Guruth. There he met up with Cheeze, an Elven Master of Lore, so they could study some of the ruins around the fallen city. Cheeze, the wise elf as she was, noticed poor Coco, all alone in a very lonely land.
“Being a well studied elf, she had a knack for all manner of creatures. She asked Coco what a chicken was doing so far from the coop. Coco replied, ‘I am trying to be the first Chicken in Moria!’ The elf nodded, and said, ‘I can help you reach your destination, if you like, and I am sure Wynead would come along, too.’”
“And so the three set out across the great forest we know as the Trollshaws. There, Wynead and Cheeze [along with Cheeze’s pet sabertooth Wedge] protected Coco the Chicken from many dangers…wolves could not withstand them, flies they swatted out of the air, bears fell at the very sound of their voice!
Fellows Forever
“And so it was, at long last, the Coco the Chicken and his companions reached the far off land we call Eregion. Coco could feel the excitement building. He know he couldn’t be far off now! He knew for sure he was the first chicken to set foot on these lands, and he promptly claimed them in the Name of the Coop so that all who would follow would know full well who these lands really belonged to.
Getting Close!
“But the journey though Eregion was the most dangerous yet, and it wasn’t too long before Coco was face to face with a great Warg!”
At this, the whole Inn shuddered. I was pleased to see that it was nearly packed to the brim with hobbits, along with a few wayfaring men sitting in the back and enjoying a pint. “Well?” cried the patrons, “What did Coco do?!”
“What any self-respecting Chicken would do!” I sang, “He played dead!”
Coco Plays Dead
“And Wynead and Cheeze saved him from sure and certain doom.”
“And so at last, Coco the Chicken was before a portal to the great Gates of Moria! He took a break to savor the moment. He wandered around a settlement to show people that a chicken could indeed make its way to the very brink of Moria. Only the site of another hungry hobbit hurried him on his way.
Hungry Hobbit
“And so Coco stood, before the great Archway into Moria. He took a great breath, and…
One small step for chicken...
...oh, forget it
“Some unseen force seemed to keep him from reaching his destination. ‘Tis all for the best,’ thought Coco, ‘What would a chicken do underground, anyway?’ And so, the journey complete, Coco thanked his companions and waved a tearful goodbye before heading back to the Shire.”
Here my story ended. Silence fell upon the pub for a moment. Then, the room erupted with laughter and cheers. I took a bow and jumped off the table and rushed for the bar.
“Can I have a mug of your finest?” I asked the bartender.
“On the house!” he said, “I’ve never seen this place so full! Your story did just the trick. Where did you come up with a yarn like that?”
“Oh,” I said, “I don’t know. With a story like that, all you really need to do is ‘become the chicken,’ and the story just happens!!”
- Wynead and Cheeze…great kin
_________________________
Note from Moormur: Hey guys! Hope you all enjoyed this little story. It is almost 100% true…I did enter chicken play on one of my alts to answer the age-old question: Can a chicken cross the threshold into Moria? I am fairly positive no chicken has ever gone into Eregion as of yet, and I wanted to see if I could get that little guy all the way to the 21st hall to bring some smiles to the peeps hanging out there. In case you can’t read the text in the picture, it says Session Players cannot do that. Oh, well. I had a great time! I had some great screens of the Trollshaws, but for some reason none of them came through :(.The only part I embellished is my companions…I enlisted Wynead ahead of time, and he convinced Cheeze to come along. Thanks both of you so much for escorting me! I literally would not have made it without you!
See you all in Middle-Earth,
Moormur
PvMP (Freep)
Housing
Fishing
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